It's 2:00 a.m. and your phone rings. You wake up wondering who could
be calling at this time of the night. You hear the voice of one of your
friends, upset and crying. What do you do?
Here are the top ten ways of consoling a friend in need:
1. Patiently comfort them. Even though you'd prefer to go back to
sleep, stay up and listen to your friend. You probably won't even need
to say much. Let your friend talk things out and cry if they need to.
2. If your friend doesn't want to be alone, invite them to come
over, or you could go to them. Your friend is in need; it's important
to connect with them physically, if possible. While a telephone call
will help, having you there with them is better.
3. After they've had a good cry, offer to help them get through the
first couple of days by doing the mundane things they might not think
about. There's laundry to do, food to cook, and many other daily tasks
they probably aren't thinking about.
* Even if they have other people in their lives to help them, you
can still offer. If they don't take you up on your offer, they'll
appreciate that you thought enough of them to want to help.
4. Check in with them. Call them as often as appropriate to see if
they need anything. This way they know they can depend on you, and
checking in often can comfort them. When things are uncertain, having
someone they can count on can help make their life more normal.
5. Gather together some of your friend's favorite things and make a
gift basket. Fruit, candy, a deck of playing cards, a book they've
wanted to read, a journal and pen are all great things to include in
the basket. Tailor the basket to fit your friend's personality.
6. Bring entertainment. Your friend may not feel like going out, so
bring over a movie or two, some snacks, and their favorite drink.
* A funny movie will help them forget their problems, even if momentarily.
* Be sure to bring plenty of tissues, too, just to be on the safe side.
7. Offer babysitting services to give them an opportunity to do
things they need to do. It will be much easier to leave their children
with someone they know and trust rather than letting a stranger keep
them.
8. Keep a positive, non-condescending attitude. Avoid telling them
"I know how you feel" or a similar statement. The truth is you may not
actually know how they feel, but they need to know they can turn to you
when they need you and that you'll really be there.
9. Are they being abused? If you suspect your friend is in an
abusive relationship, look them in the eyes and say, "I'm here for you
if you need me." Looking them in the eye will help give a sense of
confidence that you mean what you say.
* Help them, and their children, be safe by letting them come to
your house to call the domestic violence shelter, or offer to take them
there.
10. Help your friend learn from the experience. Instead of allowing
them to wallow in self-pity or despair, offer them a fresh look at the
situation.
* For example, if they've just experienced a break up, let them know
how you see things to give them your perspective to the problems that
led to the break up.
* With a fresh perspective they may see a solution they may not have seen before.
Obviously there are a myriad of things you can do to console a
friend in need. The important thing is to be there for your friend and
let them know they can turn to you.
Learn what you need to do to understand their circumstances so
you'll know how best to help. Then reach out and touch them, and you'll
touch their heart as well.
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